There is always a challenge when you are older and have lost your way. How do you find the path you need to be in?
At this age, do we dare to start a new journey? Or continue the one that is expected?
I have encountered some life changing moments and realizations in the past months, year. The summer of 2020 was very different from what my normal was. There were some health challenges in the family that were, of course, quite concerning and difficult to overcome. Yet, there was some amazing growth within that time as well.
Struggling at the beginning to becoming open and laughing by the season end. That, that was my success of the year.
Mental health is one of the things that everyone will encounter in their lives, whether you are aware of it or not. It may be yourself or someone you love. That perfect person you see on social media could be struggling with issues you know nothing of. I was one that hid things well, until I couldn't bury them anymore.
So, how do I get back to what I was before? That was what I thought my goal was at the beginning of the 2020 summer season. Boy, I had a lot to learn!
Over the season I decided to grow a garden. We rented an acreage with this amazing garden space, so why not utilize it? We planted a modest space, quite large for most, modest for the yard, My stress and worries seemed to dissolve when I was in the dirt, I would get lost within the moments. Now don't get me wrong, it wasn't all sunshine and lollipops. We had some fails which taught us some valuable lessons. But, when I was sitting in the dirt weeding or harvesting, humming away, it was like the world was in that garden only.
During this time there is a pandemic going on. How do you overcome your anxiety & depression when you are to be isolating? Yes, we had ample space that we could walk for miles without encountering another person. That was great for not trapping us in an apartment or suite, not so great for the social side of things.
So, I joined a local Farmers Market to sell crafts and garden items. Huge, huge step out of my box. This was one of the best things I have done in years.
The sense of community with in the market vendors as well as the customers was something that I was not expecting to help with mental health. It did, a lot. I grew friendships with people I never would have had the courage to meet. It built my confidence in myself to the point I didn't need to reach for approval constantly.
I started to support local small business instead of the large big box stores. Buying meat from Steven at the market, baking from many, and gifts for family.
The people there accepted me, us really, and welcomed us into their 'family'. For that I will always be thankful. Thank you Rosthern Farmers Market, see you in May!
The garden was amazing. I could sit in it for hours weeding and humming along. Completely immersed in the nature sounds, smells, and textures. I fully believe that the earth heals and we all need to experience nature quietly to reach that inner peace.
We had a decently successful garden last year. We learned a lot about the soil and what we need to change for this season. Some favorite grows were definitely the peas and beets for myself. Hubby preferred the fresh yellow wax beans and the peas. He is not much for beets, you know, the 'You may as well eat dirt!' kinda beet eater. LOL.
Not only did we learn lessons ourselves, but we learned lessons about ourselves. What we enjoyed, what made us smile, what we looked forward to. A few of those answers were not what the previous 'normal' was, and I wasn't quite ready to accept change.
My sweet granddaughter took a liking to gardening last year. She would help us, Amma & Papa, with (almost) anything we asked of her. Not touching an earthworm though, that was not in the cards. Harvesting was very high on her list of loves. To watch her pull a carrot from the earth and squeal in excitement, "Look how big this one is!!", was not only fun but inspiring. Her joy in all the simple tasks seemed to make it all that much funner. Is that a word? Well, it is in my house, lol. And guess who wants her own garden spot this year? Yup, the little one. I have created a lover of dirt and plants. Yay me!!
The pictures of the garden last year, #1 to #3 above, show that we only planted maybe a quarter of the space. This years plan is bigger, way bigger! The whole garden is game.
Remember when I was waiting for things to go back to the way they were? Well, this winter I tried that. I started a job, and I couldn't have asked for more accepting people in a workplace. Yet still the winter months were hard on my mental health and I found myself slipping again. What did I do wrong? How do I fix me? I didn't do anything wrong, that I needed to learn.
One of the things I learned was to focus on something that gives me joy in those times. And well, there is one thing on this earth that will make my heart smile anytime. That is right, my little. Well, one day as we were falling asleep (she was snuggling that night) she was upset I had to work the next day. Mumbling to herself that she was going to sell flowers at the market and give me the money so I would always stay with her, and I was only allowed to go to the markets that she could be at too. You see, in a 4 yr old problem solving mind, she decided what the perfect solution would be, and that was to always be with her so she wouldn't miss me. It made us laugh and cry at the same time.
You see, she was so close to right about what I need to become. I was forcing myself to do things because, well, eating is good right? So how do I become what I need to become? At the same time as keeping a household?
By making changes in our lives that will allow that to happen while taking care of the household and family needs. I have started to make some changes, others are harder to make.
Being self-sufficient as much as possible is quite important to my plan. In doing so it will allow us to live on lower income and still be comfortable. The garden this year is not only going to provide us with an income for the season, it will also provide my household with food for the year. Now, I am not raising meat, (can't quite convince the hubby) that will be sourced from a local farmer, or two. But, any veggies & herbs will be from our garden. I have researched on many sites on how many plants per person, how much do you need for a year, and how to store the crops....so many answers to the same questions. I am looking forward to canning, storing, and dehydrating all that we will need. This will definitely help in a time that food costs continue to rise. The rest of the changes needed will come in time.
During the last year I have joined two farmers market locations, started a new job, overcome challenges, become closer with family, started a CSA garden, and much more. The start of becoming. The biggest thing I have started is realizing that I am not, and never will be, the person I was pre all of this. And I don't think I want to be again. I want to become. In my life I want to become strength, compassion, love, nurturing, all of that and more. What does it mean to become? Your job does not define you. Your soul does.
And 'Graceful Earth Garden' was born with that thought. I cannot wait to share the beauty and bounty with you. Thank you for following my journey and helping me 'become'.
